20 Halloween Themed Jokes for Kids

CAUTION: Humor and jokes are a great way to help our children laugh and put their creative thoughts in motion at the same time.

Add to that the fun of a season like Fall's holidays, and you have awesome opportunities to make some incredible memories with your kids. Here are some fun, themed jokes to help put some smiles on faces.

1. Q: What kind of pants do ghosts wear? A: Boo-Jeans.

2. Q: Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit.

3. Q: What did one owl say to the other owl? A: Happy Owl-ween!

4. Q: Why is a skeleton so mean? A: He doesn’t have a heart.

5. Q: What goes around a haunted house and never stops? A: A fence.

6. Q: What did the ghost say to the other ghost? A: Do you believe in humans?

7. Q: What do vampires take when they are sick? A: Coffin drops!

8. Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire? A: Count Quackula!

9. Q: What is a ghost’s favorite pie? A: Booberry pie!

10. Q: Where do ghosts buy their food? A: At the ghost-ery store!

11. Q: What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? A: Spelling.

12. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school? A: His heart wasn’t in it.

13. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? A: He didn’t have any guts!

14. Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.

15. Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball? A: Because he had no BODY to go with.

16. Q: What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar? A: “Trike or Treat”?

17. Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin? A: A plumpkin.

18. Q: What room does a ghost not need? A: A living room!

19. Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter? A: Pumpkin Pi.

20.  Q: What does Barbie carve on Halloween? A: A pump-KEN.

28 Day Dad Hood™ Challenge

Tired of not being in shape? Can't seem to break some habits that are weighing you down? We know healthy dads lead to healthy families. So join us for our Dad Hood™ 28 Day Challenge. 

Change can be overwhelming, even down right discouraging, so we want to help you along the way. This challenge starts on November 1st and ends on Thanksgiving Day, November 28th. Over the next 28 days, we will be posting numerous resources to encourage you to be healthy in every area of your life; right where you are. So to help you along the way, we've planned four complete weeks of healthy eating plans and healthy living tips. In each weekly plan you'll find links to recipes and a collection of useful tips. Are you ready for the challenge? To register just simply join the Dad Hood™ on our Facebook page or email us at info@elevatedad.com. Send us your pics and updates during your challenge and we'll be sure to share your adventure!!!

Help us Elevate Dads everywhere by challenging another dad to join the adventure!!!
Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

Top Five Tech Tips for Dads

This post is from guest contributor, Rev. Evan M. Dolive. Rev. Dolive currently serves as a hospital chaplain in Beaumont, Texas. He is married to his high school sweetheart and has two children ages 3 and 1. You can find more of his articles at Houston Belief, Sojourners, Radical Parents and the Good Men Project. For more information about Rev. Evan visit www.evandolive.com.

With schools crowded with kids, so goes the parenting calendar crowded with practices, rehearsals, play dates, sleepovers, doctor’s appointments, projects, study groups, test, meet the teacher night, open houses and on and on.

Being a dad, I know the perils of trying to coordinate calendars or keep up with what is going on throughout the week, not to mention what many parents have to face with their own employment outside of the home.

I sifted through the App Store and across the internet to find the top five apps that could help make being a parent in the 21st century a bit more manageable.

Please note that most of the apps/programs do work across iOS (the operating system for iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch) and Android (the operating system for many smart devices such as the Samsung Galaxy S3/S4, Nexus 7 and  the Droid by Motorola.)

DISCLAIMER: I am not being compensated in any way by the companies listed below; the opinions expressed here are my own.

---

TOP FIVE TECH TIPS FOR DADS

1.  Cozi  ( iOS Link/ Android Link)

Cozi is a great organization app.  I like it for several reasons.  First you are able to have one username and password for your entire family; one family, one login, one shared calendar.  Each member of your family can have access to the shared calendar and add their own events so everyone can see.  You also have the option to have an agenda emailed to you at the beginning of each week so you can see at a glance what your week is shaping up to be. Another feature that I really enjoy is the shopping list.  We have all been there... you create a shopping list and you leave it at home.  You try to remember but invariably you forget the almond milk or the pine nuts or some key ingredient to your wife's favorite dish.    Now with Cozi you can have it on your phone and check off the items as you go.   Cozi has been for me a real life saver and best of all its FREE!

Cozi helps you keep track of everything from school schedules to sports activities, grocery lists, meals and chores — all in one place accessible by every member of the family and from any computer or mobile device.-- www.cozi.com

Pros:

• One login for the whole family
• FREE (ad-supported)
• Shopping Lists
• One Calendar for the Whole Family
• Nice Web Interface

Cons:

• Ads get annoying
• No two-way syncing with existing Google Calendars or Exchange Calendars
• Some features are not as useful as advertised (Journal, scrapbook)

2. Calendars/Calendars5 (iOS only)

I have a saying "if it's not on the calendar, it doesn't happen."  I have a lot of things in my calendar and Calendars5 (Formerly Calendars+) helps me to stay organized.  Before having a smart phone I kept a Google Calendar.   Over time this calendar has grown from my just my class schedule to play dates, doctors appointments, wife's work schedule and more.   Most smart phones have calendar apps but I like Calendars5 because it allows me to view my additional calendars in Google Cal that the built-in calendar app does not.  It has a clean interface and has a very fast sync rate.

Calendars 5 seamlessly syncs with local iOS calendars, Reminders and even Google Calendar.
Now all your events and tasks are in a single application, which is always on hand.-- http://readdle.com/products/calendars5/

Pros:

• Clean interface
• Two Way Syncing with Multiple Calendars on multiple devices
• Color coding for different calendars
• iPhone and iPad friendly
• Syncs offline

Cons:

• Updated Version is a bit pricy for a calendar app
• iOS only
• While the interface is clean, it is a departure from other calendar apps and take some time getting used to.

3. IFTTT.com

In the 21st Century a high percentage of people access the internet.  People shop, chat, read and learn from a variety of different places.   Sometimes we want the internet to be something that works for us not the other way around... enter IFTTT.com; IFTTT stands for "If This Then That."  It's a pretty simple process. You create a "recipe" for what you want to happen.  There are 71 different "channels" (SMS, Weather, Google Drive, etc.) to use in the recipe.  For example, every morning I get  a text with the weather forecast of the day (see below).  There are a lot of different ways to use this service.  You can have it set up so if you post a picture to Instagram it will email that picture to somone (like Grandparents who generally don't have Instagram).

The recipes can be useful or just silly.  IFTTT allows you to customize the content you want and where you want that content to go.

Pros:

• Simple interface
• Easy to Manage
• Customize-able

Cons:

• Some channels most people have never heard of
• At times multiple emails/texts are sent about the same event
• Some channels have limitations in the actual content they can provide
• iOS App interface not as clean as web version

4. Mailbox App (iOS Link)

Since about 1993 email has been a part of our modern world.  Many people have multiple accounts-- work, personal, just for fantasy sports, etc.  Email is one of the primary ways people communicate today and that's why it's so important to have an application that helps you see you inbox in a better way and help you to get through your emails quickly and efficiently.  I believe that Mailbox is that app.  You are able to quickly read, delete, reorder and label emails all with the goal of reaching "inbox zero."

We redesigned the inbox to make email light, fast, and mobile-friendly. Quickly swipe messages to your archive or trash. Scan an entire conversation at once with chat-like organization. Snooze emails until later with the tap of a button.-- www.mailboxapp.com/about/

Pros:

• Swipe to delete or archive
• Reorder items in your inbox
• FREE
• Multiple emails in one inbox.
• Be reminded of an email at a later date/time.

Cons:

• iOS only (for now)
• Gmail only (for now)
• Labels are only the ones for the app; unable to access personal established labels

5. Pocket (Formerly Read It Later) (iOS Link/Android Link)

I like to read articles, blogs and news sites online.  The problem is that sometimes there are times when I do not have enough time to read all of the content I want.  So I end up emailing my myself links to articles; over time this became a hassle and I was glad when I found Pocket.

Pocket allows users to save articles, links, posts. videos or whatever to be read later.  It integrates well with Twitter and social media and is accessible via your browser as well.  Once you sign up you will have your content with you where ever you are.

Once saved to Pocket, the list of content is visible on any device—phone, tablet or computer. It can be viewed while waiting in line, on the couch, during commutes or travel—even offline.--getpocket.com

Pros:

• Helps you get organized with your content
• Content accessible offline
• Integration with some applications
• Multiple ways to access your content.

Cons:

• Interface of the app took some getting used to

I hope these help!

If you were lucky enough to get a gold iPhone 5S then fill it with these apps!

If you have a suggestion for apps or sites that help you as a parent be sure to comment below!

You never know I might come out with Part 2!

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

Falling in Love with Grace

Karma - What goes around comes around. If I do the right things and do good to others, maybe just maybe my pay it forward will come back to me and I will experience the great reward.

But what about those of us who have, in the past or present (not to exclude the future), messed up and done something we are quite sure will come back and harm us!?? 

It's interesting that most of us are built to define life's journey through an entry point of reason. Most decisions and actions are based on reason. We take into consideration our past experiences and weigh them against the current circumstances to build a theory of what will most likely happen. We reason a path of where and how a cause and effect develop. We use reason to justify why we should or shouldn't do things. It gives us an intelligent answer to why things occur. Makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside. Well then, what about GRACE. 

Grace, unlike Karma, defies reason and logic. How can someone love and extend grace to a murderer or adulterer. It's not logical. Why would a person that has abandoned a child or taken advantage of the poor be allowed freedom and relief? They don't deserve it. They deserve justice! Right? Don't we all?

But what about Grace. Do we really understand it? It's not reasonable... It's not logical. It's not just. It's uncensored love that interrupts the consequences of our actions. It is a foolish thought that each of us should be released from shame and guilt and live with momentum, not oppression, regardless of the circumstances. It purifies our hearts not just our actions! This is in fact, unreasonable! It's love!

Love often produces far from logical results! Ever driven several hours just to spend 5 minutes with someone? Seems a bit silly, right? Well, it is! Grace is silly. It defies the very logic that we are taught and often live out. Unfortunately our logic stands not only in the way of loving others, but maybe more importantly, in the way of us being loved. In order for grace to be given, we must believe that we can receive it. Without this, an exchange is impossible. (God is love. To know love is to know God. 1 John)

Maybe today is a day to fall back in love with Grace. She is totally head-over-heals for you. Go show her off. Tell your friends about how beautiful she is. Get some alone time to talk to her. She doesn't want to judge you or bring up the past. She only wants to lift you up so she may show you hope of the future! The Father has sent her to you as a gift from His son. Enjoy being unreasonable with her!

Join our cause and help us Elevate Dads everywhere at facebook.com/elevatedads 

Halloween: To Trick or (Not to) Treat?

The matter of Halloween and other topics can, to most of our society, seem to be unimportant or "dumb" in comparison to things like poverty, bigotry, or malice... but they're not. What we deem acceptable for ourselves and our children to be exposed to and participate in will shape our viewpoint and legacy in this world. With that being said, if you are wrestling with whether your family will do Halloween or not this year, here are some helpful thoughts. 

THINKING OF CHANGE?
First, if you have already been doing Halloween, changing that current tradition can be a big deal for everyone involved, regardless of the philosophy behind it. Traditions create memories and those memories can form how we function and be what we look forward to (good or bad). Wearing Spider-man costumes, making funny faces on vegetables, and engaging in neighborhood activities where one can both give and receive hospitality is not something we should oppose. Fictional fantasy tales of monsters and elves even scary ones are not wholly inappropriate either, whether on this particular day or sprinkled throughout the year in classic tales from authors including Tolkien and Lewis. It can also be difficult to deprogram a tradition if it's something you participated in as a kid. For instance, did your family trick-or-treat as a kid? Did your spouse’s? Being sensitive to that is important because there are many elements within the practice of Halloween that are alluring and leave us with beautiful memories (ex: dressing up, candy, pumpkin carving, etc.). So any compromise that you may need to make with your spouse, children, and any other family members in order for you to ease them into this change will help each person involved better embrace your decision and leave them with less opportunity for regret. Maybe you and your spouse can talk through some creative ideas that can become staples of tradition for you and the kids during this season that become a "healthy" alternative to Halloween? 

HALLOWEEN HISTORY
So, honestly, you’re not crazy for thinking this through. Our children know about Halloween partly because it's impossible not to know, it’s a significant part of our culture, and it is a teaching opportunity. Strangely enough, Halloween has Christian roots, too. The name of our present-day holiday, Halloween (or "All Hallows Eve”), actually stems from a celebration for saints formed by the early church. A celebration day for all saints emerges in church history as early as the 4th century, but it was originally set in May or the day following Pentecost (some records suggest this also paved over a similar Roman day of the dead), the date was later changed by Pope Gregory III. It wasn't until the Reformation period Christians became divided on it's practice. But there are many things bound in Christian roots that could be considered poor practice (ex: The Christian Crusades). Most of what we currently experience Halloween to be comes from superstitious Celts that would extinguish their hearth fires and host large ceremonial bonfires, sacrificing animals and crops. This didn't occur on October 31, but around the same time, depending on the phases of the moon. It marked the end of the harvest and the beginning of a season where the people would be dependent on food stores and shelter from the elements. The Celts associated winter with death and thought that the season’s transition was marked by the close proximity of spirits. They believed this thin veil would help their Druid priests make prophecies, enabling them to survive the harsh winter. There is an accrued mythology that Druids also wore masks on this night and went from door to door, but historical evidence does not support this theory, it seems more like creative fiction manufactured to explain the evolution of modern customs. So, Halloween may not be inherently evil, but it also has no central, specific focus on the Lord we love. Whether we see Halloween as pagan practices, Catholic traditions, or good old American, candy-coated commercialism, none of these offers great reason to participate. 

A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE
What I'm finding is that regardless of the premise behind Halloween there is a responsibility to be sensitive to the overall physical and spiritual safety of your family. Even though we've played dress up, gone trick-or-tricking, and gathered enough candy to advance job security in the field of dentistry, there are things that can present themselves that you may later regret. For instance, I remember two teenage kids with skeleton masks that jumped out from behind a tree inside the mall just to scare us. It frightened our children and my wife while I found myself defusing my primitive instincts and avoiding the advice given by LL Cool  J in “Momma Said Knock You Out!” Needless to say it wasn't a pleasant memory and we have to revisit whether we should even do that this year. So there are a lot of unsafe things about Halloween, that have no direct relation to Christianity, that we do have the capacity to control and avoid. Still, some are virtually impossible to hide ourselves from and avoid. If you drive anywhere in Orlando you will most likely pass by a sign for Halloween Horror Nights and those images will plant themselves into the minds of our children. If anything, Psalm 101:1-8 is a landing point on this. Fear should not in itself push us away from participating in culture, however, we should be caring of what we see and those that are entrusted to us.

ALL THIS TO SAY THIS...
Our abstinence or participation in regard to Halloween should not be derived from fear, misinformation, Starbucks flavor, or pressure but rather from a sincere love of Jesus; every response to our culture and its festivals is a way to point to the God we love and serve. So, I plan on going to pick out a pumpkin and carve it. I'm sure we will get up on some Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks and do a fall festival. And we will dress the girls up in some fun costumes and go to a friend's party on the 31st. You won't find me twirling snakes, dancing at any ceremonial bonfires, or worshiping any dead spirits. Just sincerely loving the breath I've been given and considering it a privilege to oversee the physical and spiritual safety of our girls' hearts whether it’s Halloween or just another Thursday night!

Join our cause and help us Elevate Dads everywhere at facebook.com/elevatedads 

What Teaching my Daughter to Sleep, Taught Me About God

This post is from guest contributor Jason Helveston, Lead Pastor of Dwell Christian Church in San Jose, California. He and his Michigander wife have a young daughter and a son due in November. Jason blogs regularly at jasonhelveston.com and you can follow him on Twitter: @JasonHelveston.

She was crying. A lot. And with the passion of her future self at a One Direction fifteen-year reunion concert, she showed no signs of stopping. The experts told us it was time. I thought it was stupid.

What could possibly be healthy about letting my eight month-old daughter get comfortable with the idea that her tears no longer yanked the superhero out of her daddy? Were the sweet nothings I whispered in her ear every night that damaging? Did my rocking arms really constrict and stifle her budding development? Did the tears, now welling up in my eyes, somehow communicate more love than leaping into her room and saving day (or night, I guess)? You don’t have to be in the game very long to realize that being a dad is hard.

I stood behind the door counting down the seconds until I could fling it open and scoop her up. But I had to wait. Four minutes I was told. It was time to ween my little girl off of her daddy’s bedtime affections. My wife, who is the most incredible mother I know, had read an article or a blog post or a tweet or some other form of online communication that explained if we wanted a well-balanced child, and desired to be well-balanced ourselves, then it was time to change Glori’s sleep time routine. I trusted my wife. But I didn't trust the internet. Nevertheless I stood behind the door, listening to my daughter grow up.

Just the day before I could love my daughter the way I wanted. I could swaddle her like a little caterpillar in its chrysalis, waiting for new life as a butterfly to dawn. I was allowed to rock her in my arms, lulling her to sleep while singing what I’m convinced is her favorite song. And I could tip-toe out of her bedroom as she drifted into another blissful night's sleep. But that was yesterday. Tonight, I had to shield my heart from her tears. Apparently they only stay caterpillars for eight months. It was time to start flying.

As a person who thinks what the Bible says is real and true, one day I’ll have a lot of explaining to do. Especially in light of the fact that my wife and I are raising our daughter to think and believe this way too. I can see it now. After one of those epic boy-band concerts my sweet, by that time, teenage butterfly will have a question. With her first black streaks of mascara slipping down her cheeks, she’ll ask, “If God loves me so much, then why did he let Candace and Tiffany tease me so much about Zayn?” I’m sure she won’t wait for some eloquent, pastorally seasoned explanation. I could just imagine what the door I was standing would sound like when it slams shut. (By the way if you ask me that Zayn guy sounds like a jerk; what kind of name is “Zayn” anyway?)

Maybe it won’t be after a concert. But someday she may be confused by the idea that God is described as wonderful and generous and yet many of her friend’s fathers treat them horribly. Or maybe I’ll do something to break her heart and the contradiction will be standing right in front of her. Maybe it won’t be because she was teased. Maybe all of her girlfriends’ dads will be awesome. And I hope I never put that kind of doubt in her mind. But it’s inevitable. One day the message of a loving God will collide with the reality of the sadness around her. Kind of like the collision happening in my heart behind the door to her room. Whenever it happens, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do.

If and when my daughter asks me such a question, she won’t be alone. In fact I think it is one of the most difficult aspects of being a person of faith or believing in such a God … reading an idea or promise or story in Scripture and finding it contradictory in comparison to our everyday experiences. For instance, when my wife and I experienced the miscarriage of our first pregnancy I found the stories of Abraham and Sarah as well as Jacob and his wives completely aggravating. In both cases women were faced with infertility and God opened their wombs. They celebrated. How was I supposed to harmonize those stories and principles and celebrations with the pain my wife and I felt? In other instances when the end of the month rolls around and Mint.com tells me things aren't exactly flush, verses casting God as the ultimate provider are a bit difficult to stomach. Jesus even instructed his disciples to have faith by highlighting the lack of anxiety a flock of birds had because God always provides for them.

I stood behind the door and I wanted to be a sparrow. It was a desire that welled up from deep down within me. It felt like grief and anger and complete annoyance wrapped up into a single contradiction of faith and life. My daughter kept crying. I kept reassuring myself this was normal, no big deal, but I still hurt for her. I started whispering under my breath, coaching her to sleep. I even started praying that God would help lull her to sleep in my stead. Just another sixty- seconds.

Since becoming a dad I've paid much closer attention to the numerous places in Scripture where God is described as Father. There are many. Jesus talked about God and to God as his Father — which makes sense since he was the Son. Jesus’ famous payer, the Lord’s Prayer, begins with that address … “our Father who is in heaven.” Actually this is one of those images as well. One of those difficult aspects and places to find harmony between Scripture and the reality of life. Many people, as I imagined of my daughter’s future circle of friends, don’t have a good dad. And one of my greatest fears is that I’ll give my daughter a misguided picture of fatherhood. To think of God as a father or dad … let’s just say it can be complicated.

Another story comes to mind. Jesus asks a group of men, “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?” I bet the crowd was a little confused, but nevertheless understood that the answer was none of them. Jesus connects the dots. “If you then, know how to give good gifts to you children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?”

The point Jesus was making was that the Heavenly Father desperately wants to give good things to his kids. He loves them and freakishly desires their well-being. Like every loving father he knows what they need and desires to give generously, and even rescue them when necessary. Ah, but it also means he knows when it is best (if not necessary) to withhold something, or to let his son or daughter experience something difficult that will instill qualities in them that can’t otherwise be produced. All of this profoundly comes together when the Son is on the cross. A moment that Jesus requested, if possible, if there was another way, if the Father was willing, be taken from him. It wasn't. However in this case it wasn't so a quality could be instilled in Jesus, but so that the possibility for a myriad of qualities to be instilled in all of God's children would be secured. And, though on a much lesser scale, it seemed there was no other way for my daughter either.
Just as I was about to open Glori’s door with my red cape flapping behind me, the unthinkable happened. She stopped crying. In fact, as I remember it, she started sleeping a lot better and crying a lot less every night after that. And so did I.

One day the tears will come back. Mascara will run and she’ll be wearing a t-shirt donning the mug of some British-Irish pop star. And I image she will want to ask me a question before she slams a door. She’ll want to know how divine love and tangible sadness can coexist. I don’t know everything I’ll tell my daughter that night. But I do know I’ll start by telling her about that night I stood behind her bedroom door. The night I found out the internet wasn't so stupid after all.

Join our cause and help us Elevate Dads everywhere at facebook.com/elevatedads 

5 Maxi Cosi Car Seat Tips

This post is from guest contributor Seth Burleigh, new dad and Founder of FortyWeeksLater.com. You can follow the rest of his journey at www.fortyweekslater.com. 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I took my car seat to the local police station to have them check my installation. There were a few things I did wrong, so here are my tips. And for those that are curious, we have the Maxi Cosi Mico infant car seat and the Maxi Cosi Pria 70 convertible car seat (not yet installed).

1. MAKE SURE IT IS NOT DEFECTIVE! Check to make sure all the clips, pads, straps, etc. that are supposed to be on the car seat actually are – even if you think the seat is brand new, comes in what appears to be the original packaging, and was bought online or received through your registry.
2. Most new cars have the LATCH system. However, your car might not have it for all the back seats. Mine only had it for the outside back seats, not the middle. But research has shown (and the police officer confirmed) that the middle seat is safer since baby is further from the side of the car if there is impact. Makes sense to me! However, with that said, you can’t use the outside LATCH anchors in the middle seat, no matter how you are able to force it (like I was). Thus, I use the seat belt, which is fine. In fact, the seat belt doesn't have a weight limit, whereas the LATCH system does. Neither is better or worse than the other.
3. If you are using the LATCH installation, it’s pretty simple. Click the anchors in, tighten, and you’re done. But if you are using the seat belt, you need to make it tight. We all know that if you tug abruptly on the seat belt it will stop (as it should), but do you know how to “trick” the seat belt into stopping? Pull it all the way out and you’ll hear the ratchet start to click as the belt recoils back. Once it does that, you can secure your car seat with it, otherwise the seat belt will just keep moving.
4. Strapping your baby in is pretty self-explanatory. But the one thing I did learn was that if you happen to live in a colder climate (I do not) and dress your baby in a bulky jacket a la The Michelin Man – take it off when you strap them in. If you don’t, you’re really strapping in the jacket and your baby can still move around inside. Lay the jacket on top like a blanket (or reverse it and put in their arms only).
5. According to the police officer, industry regulations allow you to put a blanket or towel on the sides of the baby to secure them even more if they are small. But they don’t allow any after-market pads and will in fact claim no liability if such a pad is used and baby is injured (god forbid).

Do you have any tips of your own?

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

An Everyday Dad Job Description

I talk to a lot of people throughout the country. It's part of my job. Almost every time I meet a new person, and it's a guy, twenty to thirty seconds into our conversation he'll ask the most crucial of questions, "So, what do you do?" If you've never experienced this, it goes a little like this:

Mr. Dude walks up and says, "Hi."
I shake his hand and say, "Hello"
Mr. Dude smiles and says, "So what do you do?"

And that's pretty much it. I've fallen victim to this icebreaker so many times that I've learned to have some fun with it. Instead of talking about what I do to make a living, I've found that dishing out a more thorough description seems fair. As a father of three, it makes for much more fun. You should try it sometime. Here are some examples of what I do; as a dad.

I'm an Everyday Superhero. I jump off the couch and save their stuffed animals from being sucked up by the vacuum and I rescue plastic ducks from the toilet. 

I'm a Spider Killer. This can be a highly controversial topic, but spiders don't live once found in the house. My kids find them, I take them down. End of story.

I'm a High Fashion Stylist. When mom's not at home, I'm in charge of their hair. I can put a bow on them like a champion. Be jelly, Paul Mitchell.

I'm a Gourmet Chef. I make art with food. It can be soup from a can or noodles from a box; it truly does not matter. They consider my food presentation the finest.  

I'm a Plummer. Enough said. 

I'm a Bodyguard and Protector. Even in our cul-de-sac, I watch their every move. No ant will bite, no crack will trip them. The moments they get scared, I run into their room and tell them the coast is clear. 

I'm Please Daddy. Sometimes it's bubble gum and other times ice cream. Our youngest knows it's my kryptonite. 

I'm a Tea Party Coordinator. I handle the invitations for Winnie the Pooh and other celebrities to all our daughters' formal tea parties. 

I'm a Creative Planner. There are times in which boredom sets in.  I destroy it with break dancing contests or a treasure hunting trip. 

I'm a Stunt Driver. Even in our suburban neighborhood and surroundings, it's necessary to learn these mad skills. You'd be surprised on how many times we've had to pull off some moves in a Target parking lot. 

I'm the Tooth Fairy. No wings. Just straight up tooth for cash exchange. 

Honestly, I have so many other roles. But my favorite is this...

I'm a Husband to a beautiful wife, a father to some pretty awesome kids, and graciously privileged to be loved by Christ. If not for those things, my identity might rest in things far less significant. 

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." - Francis Chan

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

My First (and Last) Attempt at Swaddling

From guest contributor David Ozab and is based on a short excerpt from his memoir A Smile for Anna. He blogs about parenting and life at Fatherhood Etc, and about his writing career at DavidOzab.com.

I learned a lot as a new dad.

I learned how to change and feed our baby, how to comfort her and interact with her, and as she grew older I learned how to keep her out of too much mischief. Becoming a parent made me a parenting expert, with one exception.

Swaddling.

I read that swaddling is the best way to get a newborn to sleep. I also read that it is easy to learn.

The first statement is true.

The second is a horrible lie!

But I had to find out for myself. I saw the nurses swaddle Anna in the hospital, and it didn't look that hard. And she slept pretty soundly—for a newborn, only waking every few hours to eat. So shortly after we brought her home, I looked up directions on the Internet and gave it a try. I had a blanket, a changing table, printed instructions, and Anna. I was all ready to go.

Step One: Fold one corner of your blanket down. (A receiving blanket works well.) Place your baby in the middle of the fold with his head …

Her head.

… with her head above the edge.

Okay, Anna in one hand. Folding blanket down with the other. Setting her down on the changing table. So far, so good.

Step Two: Pull the left side of the blanket snugly across your baby's chest …

Okay.

… making sure her right arm is wrapped close to her body …

Check.

… Then lift your baby's left arm and securely tuck the blanket under her body.

Right arm in, left arm out. Got it!

Step Three: Bring the bottom of the blanket up and either fold the edge back or tuck it into the first swathe …

“Either? I don't know what I’m doing. Don’t give me either!”

“You need help?” my wife Julia asked from across the room.

“I’m fine.”

Okay, David, pick one.

… tuck it into the first swathe. Then pull the last corner of the blanket across your baby's chest, securing her left arm near her body.

Left arm secure? Check.

Step Four: Tuck the blanket under your baby's back as far as it will go. Keep your baby snugly wrapped as you pick her up.

Done!

I lifted Anna up to my chest. “Check it out. I think I got it.”

Julia walked over. “Looks good.”

I carried her to the bassinet and set her in. Out popped a finger. A wiggle or two more, and she freed her right hand. Then more wiggles, a finger, two fingers, and she freed her left hand. Wiggle, squirm, and grunt … both arms out.

“Nice try.” Julia leaned over, picked up Anna, and cradled her in her arms. “That’s my little Houdini.” She leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

Step Five: If your baby is a "little Houdini," give up now and drink more coffee. She'll sleep through the night eventually.

Five months later, she finally did. So did we. I never mastered swaddling, but I learned a lot about being a dad from practicing the other skills that I eventually got right.

And now, seven-and-a-half years later, she's a bright, outgoing second grader, and a testimony to my dedication as a parent. So don't be afraid to make mistakes as a new dad. You will learn from them and be a better father as a result.

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

Will You Communicate By Mo-o-o-o-orse?

Cat goes meow. Bird goes tweet. But when your kids try to communicate with you, do you really know what they are saying? 

Communicating with your child can sometimes seem impossible. Whether it's because of generational differences, or lack of clarity, communication between parent and child can be madness. Just when one of our kids makes it easy and it seems like we've got it all figured out, our other child challenges every word leaving us wondering if we have a clue. 

So before you find yourself changing your child's first name to Just Do It, take a moment to step back and give these ideas a try.

Don't just talk; listen. Our children need direction. They should be allowed to ask questions in order to grasp what you are expecting or asking them to do. It takes time on our part to be willing to slow down long enough for them to do this. If we're honest, we'd rather give an order and have it accomplished then sit down and hear a story about a unicorn dancing on a rainbow. But, more often than not, once they feel like you've cared enough to listen to the things they deem important, the more they desire to please you.   

Be available for your child. This morning my youngest daughter wanted me to follow her to the bathroom. It didn't make a lot of sense because she's been an independent potty warrior for quite some time. For me to stop doing what I was in the middle of, just to walk her 10 feet from where she already was, seemed like a mild inconvenience. I did it anyway. The payoff came the very moment I got up to be with her. She grabbed my hand and said, "Thank you, daddy!" Just to know that someone wants you to be near them should motivate us to always be ready for them. She felt safe and loved. And that's really all she wanted. 

Be Honest. You may be the authority and you may be the parent, but you're not Jesus. Each of us make mistakes and fall short of being perfect. Don't try to fake it with your kids. They will see through it and use it to terrorize you. When you're having a trying day, invite them in to pray for you. Give them the chance to communicate from their hearts to the caretaker of us all. You'd be surprised how willing they are to take you up on the offer. And when they realize you trust them with you're hardest moments, they'll be ready to let you into theirs. 

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." - Psalm 19:14

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

4 Things Little Girls Need from Their Dads

As a dad, it's natural to be concerned with what your child needs. You want them to have, in many cases, what you didn't have growing up.

Maybe that means a nice house, a superior education, or an opportunity that allows for a better life. Although those things can be a big deal, what if those things are not the most important need to them? I remember growing up and thinking that our house was huge. We had a back yard that all the neighborhood kids would gather to play ball and our neighbor had a fence so it was perfect for baseball and home-runs. We had a shed that we would go into and play war games. There seemed to be tons of space. A few months ago, I decided to drive by my old house to reminisce. I couldn't believe what I saw. Not a thing had changed; same color, same shed. But everything was so tiny! It wasn't at all what I remembered it to be. I guess I didn't need a big house to have a lifetime of memories.

There were other flashbacks on that trip. Ones that were not as pleasant. Like my parents' divorce and the uncertainty it brought. It's because of that I witnessed the ugliness that people can succumb to when in pain and how that can affect how you treat others. That's why with each day that is given, I become more aware that our real needs are never satisfied in material gain or higher academia; our essential needs rest in the heart. As a dad with daughters, I can struggle with this one myself. I've got deadlines and check-lists that have to be completed in order to maintain a lifestyle that allows for them to have opportunities that I never had. But there are moments that I can be so focused on my work that I lose sight of what they really need. They don't care about what car I drive (they're still little), what my title is, or how much money we have in our bank account; they care about things they really need.

Maybe you are wrestling with this and don't know where to start. Maybe being a dad isn't natural. Maybe your dad was never in the picture. But you can make a difference right where you are. Here are some tried and true principals that every little girl needs from their dad.

She needs to know she will never lose your love. Your child will make mistakes. They will do things sometimes that blow your mind. As we speak my daughter has silly putty in her mouth! Love them anyway. Assuring them in the moments that they least expect it strengthens their confidence and casts out fear. They need that! We need that! Deep down in every heart our greatest need is to know we are loved unconditionally. So your presence is important, but cheering them on is a necessity.

She needs to know she can change the world. She doesn't have to be on a stage or be a trending hashtag to impact the world. But she does need a father that believes in her so passionately that, when she has doubt, dad doesn't doubt and she can brave the hardship that comes with changing her world. She may grow up to be philanthropist, an actress, or a stay-at-home mother. We need to instill in her heart an unbreakable belief that she matters and what she does with her life does, too. Just think, your legacy lives on through her life.

She needs you to set the standard on how to be treated by the other gender. This one's scary. You have to ask the question, "Are you being the type of man that you'd want your daughter to be with?" Don't take this out of context or get weird. My 6 year old isn't allowed to date and we don't plan on considering it for another 20 years, but it's a serious question. It's not just a question about chivalry and southern charm. If she brought home someone like YOU to meet YOU would you be supportive of her decision? We constantly need to be aware that we are setting the stage for her future relationship with the other gender. I don't want and will not encourage my daughter to be mistreated, patronized, belittled, discouraged, suppressed, or unloved. So our model, how we display ourselves in her witness, teach her what to expect and accept. It starts with her dad. Which leads me to this last point.

She needs to know you love her mother. I know some of you are reading this and may not be married. Many of you reading this are. If you have a daughter than she has a mother. Regardless of your history with her mother, you should love her mother anyway! This may be the most difficult and challenging thing for you to do. You may have every justifiable reason to dismiss this idea. Your child might not live with you and her mother might speak about you poorly. Maybe your wife has you all crazy with lists and stuff to do. It is in these moments where your love for her mother is most important. If she can see a father love her mother through the most gut wrenching circumstances or apologize to her mother when he's wrong, her character will be all the better and she will see a real man. So what if your pride takes a hit? Make that call. Send that check. Go and do the extra work it takes to love her mother right now. 

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

Meet Kenneth Cheeseman - An Elevate Dad

Elevate Dads-Kenneth Cheeseman from Elevate Dads on Vimeo.

How I Prepared For Baby

This post is from guest contributor Seth Burleigh, new dad and Founder of FortyWeeksLater.com. You can follow the rest of his journey at www.fortyweekslater.com. 

Let’s face it, there is a TON of information out there to help expectant parents – books, websites, videos, etc. And quite frankly, it can be overwhelming.

As the father, you don’t experience pregnancy like the mom (but you do get to experience it in your own way). You don’t feel the internal dancing, the tremendous fatigue (usually during the first and third trimesters), or the satisfaction of actually delivering your child. But you are nonetheless needed for physical and emotional support during the entire process. And reading anything will help keep you engaged.

My wife was always glad when I started rambling off “facts” that I had learned – many of which she already knew. And I honestly felt more involved. Learning about the process helped me understand a little more about what was happening and what was about to happen. In preparing for my baby, I read two books  - Dad’s Pregnant Too and The Birth Partner.

Dad’s Pregnant Too is written by a dad for dads and was far more enjoyable. It was quick, funny, and included real-life anecdotes from dads. It is organized into tips which walk you through the stages of pregnancy and highlights things to look for, ways to support your partner, and pitfalls to avoid. I would recommend this book to any expectant dad.

The Birth Partner on the other hand was overwhelming. It had so much information in it about the actual birth process that it actually stressed me out. How the was I going to remember the various labor positions and how to properly help my wife execute them? This book did a good job of explaining the labor and delivery process from a medical and procedural standpoint which was helpful, but I honestly could have done without 75% of it. I don’t need you to give me a script on how to verbally encourage my wife. We figured it out just fine.

In short, read what you can to educate yourself on the process and what your partner is going through. It will only help you feel more connected to the process and make her feel that you have an inkling of understanding.

If you are a new dad or dad to be, you can find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

What I Learned During Labor

This post is from guest contributor Seth Burleigh, new dad and Founder of FortyWeeksLater.com. You can follow the rest of his journey at www.fortyweekslater.com. 

The labor process for the dad is wild, stressful, frustrating, and rewarding. At one point I even broke down because there was nothing I could do to comfort her and make the pain go away. I was sleep deprived, hungry, and drained from trying to do everything I could to work through the process. Every dad will have a different experience, but here are some of the things I learned: 

Flexibility – We had a birth plan. It went out the window when we had to induce labor. The safety of our baby took precedence to any previous plans. 

Advocate for her – She will be more tired, in more pain, and even more frustrated than you. She might forget to request pain killers (or more than the given dose). She might forget to eat. She might not ask the nurses or doctors certain questions. If she is uncomfortable, there actually may be a problem with the bed (which we had). Be her second voice because she might not have one. 

Ask questions – Similar to advocacy, ask questions that she may forget. You will both be talking about what she is feeling, wondering, etc. and when the nurse comes, you can both get most things answered if you are both asking the questions.

Helplessness – You might feel helpless. I sure did and I think this is normal. You are trying to be as supportive as possible and have probably never seen your partner in so much pain – and there is nothing you can do. Just know that the professionals are doing the best they can, she WILL get through it, and you both will be a stronger unit because of it. 

Be assertive – The nurse call button will become your best friend – don’t be afraid to use it. Go to the nurse station and ask for water, ice, food, a hug, whatever you need. They are there to help you and will do whatever they can. 

Nurse “gift” – Given that you will be a nag, bring the nurses something. I brought them cookies from a local bakery when I went out to escape get some fresh air and they definitely appreciated it. While you will have your dedicated nurse 95% of the time, a team will “join” you for the actual delivery. It might be good for them to like you already. 

Sleep – If she says it’s OK for you to sleep, do it. She will be fine and will need you when it really counts. You will be up for long stretches of time and it is OK to be tired. When that epidural kicks in, you will definitely be able to get some sleep. 

Eat –  The problem wasn’t skipping meals – the problem was that I wasn’t sleeping (for obvious reasons). So my body was obviously trying to function. It needed food when I wouldn’t normally eat (like midnight or 2am). We had snacks, but plan to have more than just pretzels and Wheat Thins to fuel your body in the middle of the night. 

Encouragement – Encourage her to try different soothing techniques. She may default to one (my wife’s was gripping the side of the bed with all her might). But we also tried bouncing on a yoga ball (kind of worked) and walking around. Walking seemed to work the best to help ease the pain. She also showered. All helped to some degree or another, but she might not want to even move. Encourage her, but don’t force her. 

Admiration – You will have a new and profound admiration for your partner having seen what they had to endure. Imagine having the worst pains of your life, over and over again for hours, not knowing when they will end. And then try to do that without eating or drinking anything. Their bodies and minds are put through torture. Hence the invention of the “Push Present.” 

If you are a new dad or dad to be, you can find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads