For our family, this was the right choice. We prayed countless hours about the
choice. We looked at multiple
options. We consulted Godly, wonderful
people we respected. We examined every
possible other choice, to make sure
this was not a move out of stubbornness.
Then we acted on it. The fact of
the matter is that I believe that my wife was created and called to be a
doctor. It is not like she woke up one
day and said, “I really hate staying home.
I want to be important. I want to
be a doctor.” This was a dream she had
cultivated since she was in elementary school.
She entered college with this as her plan. Truth be told, the first hesitations she had
about this did not come through a Bible study or a prayer meeting. They came from a discussion with me once we
were a couple where I didn’t like her life goal. She spent many years trying to find another
option. She stayed home with our babies,
going to school to finish her degree as she was able.
The light dawned to me back when our church was going through 40 Days of Purpose. I was teaching the college class there and
working through the material with them.
I prayed a lot that God would give me a purpose, a ministry. I was an ordained minister who deeply loved
college students. I had run a successful
college ministry on church staff for years before leaving the church where it
was housed. From that point, I had not
been able to “break back in” to the church ministry world. I had sold furniture and served as a
substitute teacher. I did freelance
graphic design and publication layout.
And I worked at a church as their graphic designer and publication
director. But I wasn’t a minister
professionally. I wanted to get back to
that place. I prayed constantly about
that. During that class, it was a huge
burden on me. After teaching one Sunday,
I got in my car. It felt like God
smacked me in the head and said, “So you want Me to give you YOUR purpose while
you refuse to let your wife pursue HERS?”
I called her that day and asked what we needed to do for her to move
forward. There were some bumps and
diversions - more praying and looking for other ways to meet that purpose
without the daunting task of medical school.
But it kept coming back to the fact that Heather was supposed to be a
doctor.
She jumped into the challenging world of pre-med with two
children. Her grades were higher than
ever, because she was disciplined and committed to the goal. She routinely put her classmates to shame
with her grades. She studied for the
MCAT while nursing our third child. The
day she took her MCAT was the first time that child was ever away from her for
more than six hours. She got accepted to
FSU and we moved to Tallahassee. And she
dove into her classes with an even stronger dedication and commitment. She would help put our kids to bed,
especially the youngest, while studying for tests. Several times we had to stay up all night
with a sick or uncooperative child the night before a major exam. As the schooling continued, it became
apparent to everyone that my wife was not just a doctor - she was a freaking good
doctor. She routinely helped her younger
classmates (the ones unencumbered by crying toddlers during exam study
sessions) with their personal and academic lives. I counted about a dozen students who at some
point came up to me to say the “wouldn’t have made it through med school”
without her. She was inducted into
multiple honor societies. She served as
an officer of several organizations. She
organized health fairs, went to conferences, and impressed doctors everywhere.
One doctor told her that she was so good as a third year, he
would send his own children to her. (She
still had two years of med school and three years of residency left at that
point.) Another said he would have hired
her as a fourth year med student, due to her skill and patient care. An area pulmonolgist took her under his wing
and mentored her, recognizing she had a special talent for that difficult
speciality. As she decided to go into
pediatrics, she also kept leaning towards pulmonology. That meant that the four years and med school
and three years of residency also would now include four years of
fellowships. But, that is where she is
supposed to be. It is obvious to
everyone.
Pulmonologists have a tough job.
They deal with kids with asthma and respiratory issues. But most of their work involves children with
Cystic Fibrosis. I’m not a doctor, so I
don’t get all of the details. But CF is
a nasty disease. There really isn’t a
cure. You can treat it to some
extent. But it requires constant upkeep
and vigilance. A person with CF spends a lot of time at the doctor and a lot of
time in the hospital. The life
expectancy for a CF patient is 37. So it
is a very hard field to be a part of. Being
able to go to a CF clinic is vital.
These clinics are not abundant.
Patients may have to travel for hours to see a doctor, especially in
rural areas. This field is in a
“critical shortage” according to the government. Choosing pulmonology is not a glamor gig.
But that is where my wife is headed. It seems like the path continues to open wide
in front of her. Every step of her
education has brought her more people who invest in her dream. Just the other day, two doctors at her
residency went above and beyond to offer her training. She’s going to a CF conference in October,
through a CF grant. She has multiple
doctors who have offered to vouch for her when it comes to fellowships. She is in line to present a study at the
national conference next year. Last
night at dinner, she was still stressing about the toll this decision will take
on us as a family. I told her that we
will go anywhere to make this work. I
know that she is supposed to do this.
And she is going to make a difference in so many lives. I said, “What if you discover some kind of
treatment that changes the lives of millions of CF kids? How could we say no to that?” The lesson about putting other people first
has been invaluable when raising our kids.
They know that mommy is doing this because people are that important.
But they also know that daddy is doing what he is doing because
THEY are that important. I am home so
that my wife can pursue her calling. And
I am home so my children have a stable home life. My kids know how important they are. They see it whenever they look over on the
couch and see me working on lesson plans on my laptop instead of in an
office. They know it when I am sitting
home with them on a Friday night instead of going to watch a movie with
friends. They recognize it when I turn
off a football game so we can watch a video together.
I changed my career that day in 2009. I became an investment banker. Instead of working the stocks, I invest full
time in the future of my children, my wife, and the countless thousands of
people those four individuals will touch over the years. When I spent all that time praying for a
full-time ministry, I never realized it would be in my own house with my own
family. Sure, I still have the desire to
make my own impact on the world - through teaching, writing, something. But for right now, this is what I am called
to do. A friend asked me a few months
back what ministry I would do if I had all the money in the world to do
it. And I honestly answered him, “I
can’t even think about that. Right now,
my job is my family. As long as those
kids are in school, that is my ministry.
After that, well, I will figure it out.”
Having worked in various forms of ministry for the last 17 years, I can
truthfully say, this one beats all the others hands down.
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