Confessions from Dad: Date Night at Home

This post is from guest contributor Joshua Reich, Pastor of Preaching & Vision at Revolution Church in Tucson, AZ. He and his wife , Katie (follow her on twitter @KatieReich), have 5 kids, 4 boys and a girl. Joshua blogs regularly at joshuareich.org and you can follow him on Twitter: @JoshuaReich.

Unless you have free babysitting every week, there is a good chance at some point you will have a date night at home. Often, this feels like a letdown for a couple because there is something fun and exciting about going out. There is something freeing about someone else putting your kids down. For Katie and I, most of our date nights are at home after the kids go to bed. 

Here are a few ways we’ve made those special:

Have a plan. Nothing hurts date night more than having no plan. In the same way that you plan going out, plan what it will look like at home. What will you eat, who is doing what, what time will things get started. You may have to be more intentional about the plan for date night at home because you are at home.

Stay dressed up. Don’t get into your pajama pants. Nothing shuts your brain down more at the end of a long day like getting into comfortable clothes. Stay dressed up. Wear what you would wear if you were going out.

No electronics. The fastest way to kill most date nights is turning on the TV, no checking out Facebook or Twitter or your email. Concentrate on each other.

Plan a fun meal. It doesn’t have to be expensive or a feast, but something special. Something you wouldn’t normally eat. Katie and I love to try new recipes, so we’re always searching. Katie uses this blog a lot for our meal plans and we’ve found a ton of recipes that have been great for date night on this site.

Eat with your kids. At home, we do an appetizer while our kids eat so that we can still eat dinner with them, talk with them about their day and it helps to hold us over until we eat.

Know who will cook and who will put the kids down. It might be more relaxing for your wife to cook. She may want you to handle the kids, or vice versa. Whatever it is, communicate that and stick to it.

Pick a night you are awake for. There are certain nights you are more alert and awake than others. Find that night and do date night on that night. If you have a long day on Tuesday, don’t do date night that night. Maximize the night where your energy levels are highest. I find knowing which night date night will be helps me to be mentally prepared for it.

What would you add to make date night at home just as good as going out?


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Confessions from Dad: Evil Never Really Wins

About a week ago I sat down with a friend who was devastated and overwhelmed. He had just received news that his 3 year old son had been diagnosed with cancer and they had no conclusive plan to remedy the foreseeable outcome; terminal.

He was angry and broken.
He wanted answers.
Wouldn't you?

News like this seems to come all too often these days and stories like this are part of our everyday life. Heartache isn't prejudge and it doesn't just pencil you in after the holidays! Pain is an absolute in being human and no one has immunity. We cannot avoid pain, but we can spend a lifetime trying to outrun it.

A few days ago I received word that a friend of ours, Isaac Hunter, had taken his own life. Some articles were written thereafter and, because of his status, much was made ado about the sensationalism of the circumstances surrounding his passing. As I looked at headlines and began to mourn the realness of it, one thought kept piercing into my heart... That could easily be me? 

He was a Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Cousin, Pastor, Friend, Man, Child of God living within a world where pain is very real and people are imperfect. Is that really any different for any of us? 

We have doubts. We have fears. We wonder and question, in tragedy; what good will come from this? We shout to the heavens asking, "Why? Why now?" Evil looks to corrupt us into buying that when pain exists, good will never come. But evil is a fat, fickle liar!!!

Maybe today you're struggling to see through clouds of doubt and injustice. We all do. For Isaac that struggle is over. And we wrestle with that while on this side of heaven.

Maybe your story won't be reconciled in the tangibles. From the deepest, most intimate space in my heart I plead with you... evil never really wins! Don't give up! With so much pain wandering around looking for residence in our hearts, it can feel like evil has the upper hand. But it doesn't and never will.

The advent of Christ was a season not unlike this. There were 400 years of silence before God spoke through a baby's cry. People were hurting and waiting to hear from God. They were searching for refuge and rescue. Aren't we all! God did not let them down nor did He give up on them in their mourning. You see, though our world remains broken, there will come a day that this will pass. The pain, the suffering, and the thousands of tears. We are promised a day in which we'll experience the fullness of God's grace, mercy and love.

So until then, even if you find yourself running from the pain or about to give up, God's love for you will never be outrun. Love always wins in the end.

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Cor 13:7

“Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. We cannot avoid pain, but we can avoid joy.” Tim Hassel


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Confessions from Dad: Time Doesn't Have to Fly

This post is from guest contributor Jason Helveston, Lead Pastor of Dwell Christian Church in San Jose, California. He and his Michigander wife have a young daughter and a son due in November. Jason blogs regularly at jasonhelveston.com and you can follow him on Twitter: @JasonHelveston.

Honestly I was totally overwhelmed. About a month away from my daughter’s birth I sat at a park, reading. But my literature of choice was not helping my anxiety. It's a complex enough reality to become a dad. Am I right? Think about it. Who do I think I am to say, “you know what, I’m really good at this life thing … why don’t I make a brand new human and then be completely responsible for her health, education, and general development.” I needed no additional convincing. I knew I was stepping into uncharted territory. Obviously I wasn’t going to be the first dad on planet earth. I get that. But doesn’t it feel like that? When it’s your first time doing anything of significance, there is a strange sense that maybe, just maybe this is the very first time anyone has done it. 

So I sought a bit of solace from a book, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. That’s what we’re supposed to do right? But like I said, the book wasn’t much help. I mean it was considerably informative, interesting, and gave some great insight into a multitude of research on the unique relationship between dads and daughters. But that was just the problem. I found out that dads have extraordinary influence over their daughters … the way our girls speak … the way they dress … the way they think about the world, their bodies, and their friends.

I sat in that park. 

For about an hour. 

Totally overwhelmed.

Just a couple of days ago my daughter and I were taking a walk. She’s nearly two years old now. I had a cup of coffee and turned off my phone. She was enjoying some apple juice. And as we walked down the sidewalk together we were holding hands. Every now and then she would pull away and play with a pile of leaves or fumble with a piece of paper she found on the sidewalk or stare at something interesting written on the side of a building. (Okay, it was graffiti.) Every few moments I said, "I love you, Glori". Each time she responded with here trademark, “I you”. Our walk seemed to go in slow motion, like it was all day long. In actuality our walk took about sixty minutes. 

As I sat in the park two old adages every seasoned parent seems to recite each time they see a young parent like were stuck in my mind– "it goes by so fast” and “I sure miss those days". Great! Not only did I have a ton of stuff to communicate and cultivate in my then unborn daughter, but the time I had to do all of this was going to fly by! But as I walked down the street with my girl I was haunted by a completely different thought. It felt like a defiantly and rebellious idea … this time doesn’t have to fly. Time can be tamed with a silent phone, a box of juice, a cup of coffee, and a pile of leaves. Yes, it is a massive responsibility. Yes, I need to read more books. Yes, one day she will move out. But my daughter isn’t a final exam I have to take next week. She’s just the girl I get to take on another walk next week. Something I had done many times before. 

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