Will You Communicate By Mo-o-o-o-orse?

Cat goes meow. Bird goes tweet. But when your kids try to communicate with you, do you really know what they are saying? 

Communicating with your child can sometimes seem impossible. Whether it's because of generational differences, or lack of clarity, communication between parent and child can be madness. Just when one of our kids makes it easy and it seems like we've got it all figured out, our other child challenges every word leaving us wondering if we have a clue. 

So before you find yourself changing your child's first name to Just Do It, take a moment to step back and give these ideas a try.

Don't just talk; listen. Our children need direction. They should be allowed to ask questions in order to grasp what you are expecting or asking them to do. It takes time on our part to be willing to slow down long enough for them to do this. If we're honest, we'd rather give an order and have it accomplished then sit down and hear a story about a unicorn dancing on a rainbow. But, more often than not, once they feel like you've cared enough to listen to the things they deem important, the more they desire to please you.   

Be available for your child. This morning my youngest daughter wanted me to follow her to the bathroom. It didn't make a lot of sense because she's been an independent potty warrior for quite some time. For me to stop doing what I was in the middle of, just to walk her 10 feet from where she already was, seemed like a mild inconvenience. I did it anyway. The payoff came the very moment I got up to be with her. She grabbed my hand and said, "Thank you, daddy!" Just to know that someone wants you to be near them should motivate us to always be ready for them. She felt safe and loved. And that's really all she wanted. 

Be Honest. You may be the authority and you may be the parent, but you're not Jesus. Each of us make mistakes and fall short of being perfect. Don't try to fake it with your kids. They will see through it and use it to terrorize you. When you're having a trying day, invite them in to pray for you. Give them the chance to communicate from their hearts to the caretaker of us all. You'd be surprised how willing they are to take you up on the offer. And when they realize you trust them with you're hardest moments, they'll be ready to let you into theirs. 

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." - Psalm 19:14

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

4 Things Little Girls Need from Their Dads

As a dad, it's natural to be concerned with what your child needs. You want them to have, in many cases, what you didn't have growing up.

Maybe that means a nice house, a superior education, or an opportunity that allows for a better life. Although those things can be a big deal, what if those things are not the most important need to them? I remember growing up and thinking that our house was huge. We had a back yard that all the neighborhood kids would gather to play ball and our neighbor had a fence so it was perfect for baseball and home-runs. We had a shed that we would go into and play war games. There seemed to be tons of space. A few months ago, I decided to drive by my old house to reminisce. I couldn't believe what I saw. Not a thing had changed; same color, same shed. But everything was so tiny! It wasn't at all what I remembered it to be. I guess I didn't need a big house to have a lifetime of memories.

There were other flashbacks on that trip. Ones that were not as pleasant. Like my parents' divorce and the uncertainty it brought. It's because of that I witnessed the ugliness that people can succumb to when in pain and how that can affect how you treat others. That's why with each day that is given, I become more aware that our real needs are never satisfied in material gain or higher academia; our essential needs rest in the heart. As a dad with daughters, I can struggle with this one myself. I've got deadlines and check-lists that have to be completed in order to maintain a lifestyle that allows for them to have opportunities that I never had. But there are moments that I can be so focused on my work that I lose sight of what they really need. They don't care about what car I drive (they're still little), what my title is, or how much money we have in our bank account; they care about things they really need.

Maybe you are wrestling with this and don't know where to start. Maybe being a dad isn't natural. Maybe your dad was never in the picture. But you can make a difference right where you are. Here are some tried and true principals that every little girl needs from their dad.

She needs to know she will never lose your love. Your child will make mistakes. They will do things sometimes that blow your mind. As we speak my daughter has silly putty in her mouth! Love them anyway. Assuring them in the moments that they least expect it strengthens their confidence and casts out fear. They need that! We need that! Deep down in every heart our greatest need is to know we are loved unconditionally. So your presence is important, but cheering them on is a necessity.

She needs to know she can change the world. She doesn't have to be on a stage or be a trending hashtag to impact the world. But she does need a father that believes in her so passionately that, when she has doubt, dad doesn't doubt and she can brave the hardship that comes with changing her world. She may grow up to be philanthropist, an actress, or a stay-at-home mother. We need to instill in her heart an unbreakable belief that she matters and what she does with her life does, too. Just think, your legacy lives on through her life.

She needs you to set the standard on how to be treated by the other gender. This one's scary. You have to ask the question, "Are you being the type of man that you'd want your daughter to be with?" Don't take this out of context or get weird. My 6 year old isn't allowed to date and we don't plan on considering it for another 20 years, but it's a serious question. It's not just a question about chivalry and southern charm. If she brought home someone like YOU to meet YOU would you be supportive of her decision? We constantly need to be aware that we are setting the stage for her future relationship with the other gender. I don't want and will not encourage my daughter to be mistreated, patronized, belittled, discouraged, suppressed, or unloved. So our model, how we display ourselves in her witness, teach her what to expect and accept. It starts with her dad. Which leads me to this last point.

She needs to know you love her mother. I know some of you are reading this and may not be married. Many of you reading this are. If you have a daughter than she has a mother. Regardless of your history with her mother, you should love her mother anyway! This may be the most difficult and challenging thing for you to do. You may have every justifiable reason to dismiss this idea. Your child might not live with you and her mother might speak about you poorly. Maybe your wife has you all crazy with lists and stuff to do. It is in these moments where your love for her mother is most important. If she can see a father love her mother through the most gut wrenching circumstances or apologize to her mother when he's wrong, her character will be all the better and she will see a real man. So what if your pride takes a hit? Make that call. Send that check. Go and do the extra work it takes to love her mother right now. 

Find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

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How I Prepared For Baby

This post is from guest contributor Seth Burleigh, new dad and Founder of FortyWeeksLater.com. You can follow the rest of his journey at www.fortyweekslater.com. 

Let’s face it, there is a TON of information out there to help expectant parents – books, websites, videos, etc. And quite frankly, it can be overwhelming.

As the father, you don’t experience pregnancy like the mom (but you do get to experience it in your own way). You don’t feel the internal dancing, the tremendous fatigue (usually during the first and third trimesters), or the satisfaction of actually delivering your child. But you are nonetheless needed for physical and emotional support during the entire process. And reading anything will help keep you engaged.

My wife was always glad when I started rambling off “facts” that I had learned – many of which she already knew. And I honestly felt more involved. Learning about the process helped me understand a little more about what was happening and what was about to happen. In preparing for my baby, I read two books  - Dad’s Pregnant Too and The Birth Partner.

Dad’s Pregnant Too is written by a dad for dads and was far more enjoyable. It was quick, funny, and included real-life anecdotes from dads. It is organized into tips which walk you through the stages of pregnancy and highlights things to look for, ways to support your partner, and pitfalls to avoid. I would recommend this book to any expectant dad.

The Birth Partner on the other hand was overwhelming. It had so much information in it about the actual birth process that it actually stressed me out. How the was I going to remember the various labor positions and how to properly help my wife execute them? This book did a good job of explaining the labor and delivery process from a medical and procedural standpoint which was helpful, but I honestly could have done without 75% of it. I don’t need you to give me a script on how to verbally encourage my wife. We figured it out just fine.

In short, read what you can to educate yourself on the process and what your partner is going through. It will only help you feel more connected to the process and make her feel that you have an inkling of understanding.

If you are a new dad or dad to be, you can find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads

What I Learned During Labor

This post is from guest contributor Seth Burleigh, new dad and Founder of FortyWeeksLater.com. You can follow the rest of his journey at www.fortyweekslater.com. 

The labor process for the dad is wild, stressful, frustrating, and rewarding. At one point I even broke down because there was nothing I could do to comfort her and make the pain go away. I was sleep deprived, hungry, and drained from trying to do everything I could to work through the process. Every dad will have a different experience, but here are some of the things I learned: 

Flexibility – We had a birth plan. It went out the window when we had to induce labor. The safety of our baby took precedence to any previous plans. 

Advocate for her – She will be more tired, in more pain, and even more frustrated than you. She might forget to request pain killers (or more than the given dose). She might forget to eat. She might not ask the nurses or doctors certain questions. If she is uncomfortable, there actually may be a problem with the bed (which we had). Be her second voice because she might not have one. 

Ask questions – Similar to advocacy, ask questions that she may forget. You will both be talking about what she is feeling, wondering, etc. and when the nurse comes, you can both get most things answered if you are both asking the questions.

Helplessness – You might feel helpless. I sure did and I think this is normal. You are trying to be as supportive as possible and have probably never seen your partner in so much pain – and there is nothing you can do. Just know that the professionals are doing the best they can, she WILL get through it, and you both will be a stronger unit because of it. 

Be assertive – The nurse call button will become your best friend – don’t be afraid to use it. Go to the nurse station and ask for water, ice, food, a hug, whatever you need. They are there to help you and will do whatever they can. 

Nurse “gift” – Given that you will be a nag, bring the nurses something. I brought them cookies from a local bakery when I went out to escape get some fresh air and they definitely appreciated it. While you will have your dedicated nurse 95% of the time, a team will “join” you for the actual delivery. It might be good for them to like you already. 

Sleep – If she says it’s OK for you to sleep, do it. She will be fine and will need you when it really counts. You will be up for long stretches of time and it is OK to be tired. When that epidural kicks in, you will definitely be able to get some sleep. 

Eat –  The problem wasn’t skipping meals – the problem was that I wasn’t sleeping (for obvious reasons). So my body was obviously trying to function. It needed food when I wouldn’t normally eat (like midnight or 2am). We had snacks, but plan to have more than just pretzels and Wheat Thins to fuel your body in the middle of the night. 

Encouragement – Encourage her to try different soothing techniques. She may default to one (my wife’s was gripping the side of the bed with all her might). But we also tried bouncing on a yoga ball (kind of worked) and walking around. Walking seemed to work the best to help ease the pain. She also showered. All helped to some degree or another, but she might not want to even move. Encourage her, but don’t force her. 

Admiration – You will have a new and profound admiration for your partner having seen what they had to endure. Imagine having the worst pains of your life, over and over again for hours, not knowing when they will end. And then try to do that without eating or drinking anything. Their bodies and minds are put through torture. Hence the invention of the “Push Present.” 

If you are a new dad or dad to be, you can find support and resources at Facebook.com/ElevateDads