BBQ Sauce and Bad Habits

So in a couple weeks our kids are going to be parading through neighborhoods and malls grabbing free candy. They like candy. They love candy, but me? I like BBQ sauce. I can find ways to use it on almost everything. Ribs, chicken, pizza, or straight from the bottle. I'm thinking about it as I write this. Mmmmm.... BBQ sauce.

However, BBQ sauce does not like me. I know this for a fact. As soon as I introduce BBQ sauce to anything it's only moments later trouble begins. I start to feel sluggish, tired, and sometimes just plain sick. But my love for the sauce gives justification for the inevitable pain that always comes my way. 

You could say my continual love of BBQ sauce is a bad habit. A pretty bad habit. 

Some weeks back, we were at a friends home for a family BBQ. Ribs were part of the menu and I felt obligated to show my appreciation by eating with fervor. The ribs were mad good and the sauce was like manna from heaven. So, because of this, I was inspired to make ribs at our home for the next couple of nights. Each night I felt more and more bloated and tired. I stepped on the scale and noticed I had gained 5 pounds in 4 days! Not only did I feel like junk, my clothes were shrinking. Something had to give. I still have cravings for ribs. I wouldn't mind if some 4-Rivers brisket arrived magically at our doorstep!!! But I've had to make a trade-off. When my BBQ desire grows strong, I grab an apple. It's not the same. I miss ribs, but I'm growing healthier each time I resist.

Maybe today you have a bad habit that needs to go. You've known it and others know it. But even though you know it's harming you, you find it hard to resist. You've tried before and failed. What if you had a supplement? Something that replaced that thing that you love that's killing you? 

Here are a few questions that can help you process through that. 

1. What bad habit are you giving your time to?
2. What can you replace that bad habit with?
3. How will you make the new habit happen?

The truth is that we all have bad habits. And if you are reading this, you are likely looking for answers to a real problem in your life. You are in the right place.  

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:The old has gone, the new is here!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

So what habit needs replacing in your life? 

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A Story of Adoption: From Starvation to Salvation

Here's an absolute, must share story sent in from Clint. Please take a moment to read and share! He's making a difference right where he's at!

Hello...

My name is Clint. I'm a husband and dad. I've been married to my wife, Amanda, for 7 years. All growing up Amanda wanted to foster and when we were married we QUICKLY began that journey as a calling on our lives. Caleb, our 7 year old, was our very first foster child. He was 8 months old and nearly beaten to death by his bio mother. Two weeks after we took Caleb in we found out we were pregnant with, Houston, our 6 year old. We just thought we were done then as we got to adopt Caleb out of the foster system. Caleb's bio mother had a second son from a different father and DHS called us to see if we would take him in as a foster child. We thought about it for about an hour and let them know we would. Greyson, the brother of Caleb, is now adopted as well. God just kept challenging us and it was very clear that this truly was our calling to care for the orphans and father the fatherless.

Next up was Georgia and her story, as you know, is very heart breaking. Georgia was found and came to us through DHS at the age of 5. When she was found she only weighed 19 pounds and the mother admitted to authorities she had locked Georgia in the closet for two years. According to Oklahoma City Police records, she was kept separate from her other siblings because the mother didn’t like the little girl because she “looked like her father.” She was starved nearly to death, covered in hair to regulate her body temperature. The responding officer wrote, “You could see the bones at her joints.” At five years old her language, police described as “uttered words” was more animal than human. She was on the verge of death. What's even more sad about her story is that she was in the system at 2 years old because she was found in a abandoned home and after a long fight the judge let her go back home to her bio mother. It's been two years since then. We became her parents and officially adopted her in June! She has come so far.

After Georgia we have taken 3 more children in that are still currently foster children and we're hoping they turn into an adoption. I was raised in church and all growing up was wondering what my "calling" was and now honestly I have truly found it! It is not always easy and, to be honest, it's very difficult; but I would not change it for the world. I'm not a perfect father at all, but I love God, my wife, and my kids and love hanging out with them and going through this adventure together.

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Putting Family First

This post is from guest contributor David Staples, Co-Founder of Defender Ministries and Stay-At-Home-Dad.

In May of 2009 I changed my career.  My wife started attending medical school at Florida State University, so I became a full-time stay-at-home dad.  You will hear many different opinions about that decision online.  You have the economic arguments of the intelligence of having one parent staying at home.  There are the social debates about the shifting gender-balance in the workforce.  Various churches and pastors have offered up their beliefs on the rightness or wrongness of a man “relinquishing” his position as primary breadwinner.  Even the government has statements regarding employment status for men and women who stay home.  The way I see it, though, is not that I dropped out of the workforce.  I didn’t retire.  I am not unemployed.  My full-time job is now stay-at-home parent.  I still have two other paid jobs that I do in the hours my children are at school, or after my wife gets home.  I help out with the local Baptist university ministry.  I write a lot.  I keep up with the house, the cooking, the bills, the homework, the appointments, and anything else that crosses my path.  And I am more busy, and more tired, than I have ever been in my life.

For our family, this was the right choice.  We prayed countless hours about the choice.  We looked at multiple options.  We consulted Godly, wonderful people we respected.  We examined every possible other choice, to make sure this was not a move out of stubbornness.  Then we acted on it.  The fact of the matter is that I believe that my wife was created and called to be a doctor.  It is not like she woke up one day and said, “I really hate staying home.  I want to be important.  I want to be a doctor.”  This was a dream she had cultivated since she was in elementary school.  She entered college with this as her plan.  Truth be told, the first hesitations she had about this did not come through a Bible study or a prayer meeting.  They came from a discussion with me once we were a couple where I didn’t like her life goal.  She spent many years trying to find another option.  She stayed home with our babies, going to school to finish her degree as she was able. 

The light dawned to me back when our church was going through 40 Days of Purpose.  I was teaching the college class there and working through the material with them.  I prayed a lot that God would give me a purpose, a ministry.  I was an ordained minister who deeply loved college students.  I had run a successful college ministry on church staff for years before leaving the church where it was housed.  From that point, I had not been able to “break back in” to the church ministry world.  I had sold furniture and served as a substitute teacher.  I did freelance graphic design and publication layout.  And I worked at a church as their graphic designer and publication director.  But I wasn’t a minister professionally.  I wanted to get back to that place.  I prayed constantly about that.  During that class, it was a huge burden on me.  After teaching one Sunday, I got in my car.  It felt like God smacked me in the head and said, “So you want Me to give you YOUR purpose while you refuse to let your wife pursue HERS?”  I called her that day and asked what we needed to do for her to move forward.  There were some bumps and diversions - more praying and looking for other ways to meet that purpose without the daunting task of medical school.  But it kept coming back to the fact that Heather was supposed to be a doctor.

She jumped into the challenging world of pre-med with two children.  Her grades were higher than ever, because she was disciplined and committed to the goal.  She routinely put her classmates to shame with her grades.  She studied for the MCAT while nursing our third child.  The day she took her MCAT was the first time that child was ever away from her for more than six hours.  She got accepted to FSU and we moved to Tallahassee.  And she dove into her classes with an even stronger dedication and commitment.  She would help put our kids to bed, especially the youngest, while studying for tests.  Several times we had to stay up all night with a sick or uncooperative child the night before a major exam.  As the schooling continued, it became apparent to everyone that my wife was not just a doctor - she was a freaking good doctor.  She routinely helped her younger classmates (the ones unencumbered by crying toddlers during exam study sessions) with their personal and academic lives.  I counted about a dozen students who at some point came up to me to say the “wouldn’t have made it through med school” without her.  She was inducted into multiple honor societies.  She served as an officer of several organizations.  She organized health fairs, went to conferences, and impressed doctors everywhere.

One doctor told her that she was so good as a third year, he would send his own children to her.  (She still had two years of med school and three years of residency left at that point.)  Another said he would have hired her as a fourth year med student, due to her skill and patient care.  An area pulmonolgist took her under his wing and mentored her, recognizing she had a special talent for that difficult speciality.  As she decided to go into pediatrics, she also kept leaning towards pulmonology.  That meant that the four years and med school and three years of residency also would now include four years of fellowships.  But, that is where she is supposed to be.  It is obvious to everyone. 

Pulmonologists have a tough job.  They deal with kids with asthma and respiratory issues.  But most of their work involves children with Cystic Fibrosis.  I’m not a doctor, so I don’t get all of the details.  But CF is a nasty disease.  There really isn’t a cure.  You can treat it to some extent.  But it requires constant upkeep and vigilance. A person with CF spends a lot of time at the doctor and a lot of time in the hospital.  The life expectancy for a CF patient is 37.  So it is a very hard field to be a part of.  Being able to go to a CF clinic is vital.  These clinics are not abundant.  Patients may have to travel for hours to see a doctor, especially in rural areas.  This field is in a “critical shortage” according to the government.  Choosing pulmonology is not a glamor gig.

But that is where my wife is headed.  It seems like the path continues to open wide in front of her.  Every step of her education has brought her more people who invest in her dream.  Just the other day, two doctors at her residency went above and beyond to offer her training.  She’s going to a CF conference in October, through a CF grant.  She has multiple doctors who have offered to vouch for her when it comes to fellowships.  She is in line to present a study at the national conference next year.  Last night at dinner, she was still stressing about the toll this decision will take on us as a family.  I told her that we will go anywhere to make this work.  I know that she is supposed to do this.  And she is going to make a difference in so many lives.  I said, “What if you discover some kind of treatment that changes the lives of millions of CF kids?  How could we say no to that?”  The lesson about putting other people first has been invaluable when raising our kids.  They know that mommy is doing this because people are that important.

But they also know that daddy is doing what he is doing because THEY are that important.  I am home so that my wife can pursue her calling.  And I am home so my children have a stable home life.  My kids know how important they are.  They see it whenever they look over on the couch and see me working on lesson plans on my laptop instead of in an office.  They know it when I am sitting home with them on a Friday night instead of going to watch a movie with friends.  They recognize it when I turn off a football game so we can watch a video together. 

I changed my career that day in 2009.  I became an investment banker.  Instead of working the stocks, I invest full time in the future of my children, my wife, and the countless thousands of people those four individuals will touch over the years.  When I spent all that time praying for a full-time ministry, I never realized it would be in my own house with my own family.  Sure, I still have the desire to make my own impact on the world - through teaching, writing, something.  But for right now, this is what I am called to do.  A friend asked me a few months back what ministry I would do if I had all the money in the world to do it.  And I honestly answered him, “I can’t even think about that.  Right now, my job is my family.  As long as those kids are in school, that is my ministry.  After that, well, I will figure it out.”  Having worked in various forms of ministry for the last 17 years, I can truthfully say, this one beats all the others hands down.

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3 Signs Your Child Might Be a Ninja

So your kids are running around the house and creating pet names for inanimate objects. Bobo, the sock puppet, flies through the air and smacks you right in the face. It's supposed to be time for your children to dive into homework and relish insightful conversation about computability theory, but instead you find yourself internally reciting Stuart Smalley quotes in order to survive. You think, "Why won't they listen?" or, "Is there something I'm doing wrong?" You only want the best for them and without some academic advancement they may not survive. Who will they become? Breathe. Exhale... Your child might be a ninja!!!???

The truth is there's no cookie-cutter kit for the perfect child. We all have dreams and aspirations for our children that we'd desperately long to see come to fruition. We should be thoughtful and care deeply about how they make a contribution to society. But our children are prewired for greatness and we often take on the role of engineer; meddling with their future. It's in those moments we foul up their operating system and fume with agitation while everything crashes. But what if you could expel your plans of who they must become and replace them with finding their strengths? What if your frustrations turned into falling in love with their weaknesses? Maybe your child will grow up to be a ninja; maybe a doctor, or a mother of 3. What's most important is that they know they are fearfully and wonderful made. Here are some practical ways to allow your children to find out who they are, how they fit into the world and what they can bring to it.
 
1. Cultivate Creativity. Constantly forcing methods that are static leave little room for adventurous observation. If you find yourself nagging more than nurturing, ditch the routine and seek to find what excites your child. Ask them what they'd like to learn and gravitate towards it. Buy the books. Go to the exhibits. 

2. Fuel Their Passion. It's all too easy to work yourself into exhaustion spending all your time fixing your child's weakness. By doing this we unwittingly send our children disapproving messages causing them to focus on their weaknesses. Discover their strengths and encourage their interests. Use supportive words and challenge them to keep going. It may be odd to you at first, but where lies their passion lies their purpose. 

3. Get Messy. Comfort and structure bring us false security. Forcing your child into a lifestyle of plan B's leaves them with a sense of self-doubt. For children to discover and develop their purpose they need to have freedom to get messy and fail. Allow a change of scenery and give them the keys to drive a bit. Guide them along the way, but dig in the dirt and get dirty. Eat weird stuff. Be a kid with them and watch their purpose unfold.

*If these little tips don't land, give this last one some consideration.

Bonus Option. Love them like Jesus. Your children are an entrusted gift. They have been placed in your care and only for a season. The moments you become swallowed in the abyss of pressure; stop, drop and roll into the arms of a Father that knows your every need.

People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Luke 18:15-17 (NIV)

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5 Things Every Dad Should Stop Doing...

You're stuck. Stuck in a mediocre job and a boatload of messy relationships. You have just enough time at home to help manage chaos and pull three pennies out of little Jimmy's nose.

You're spinning plates like a circus clown just hoping to keep up the pace so no one will see them fall and crash. Just when you are ready to wave a white flag you hear an old coach's voice scream, "Suck it up!!!" So you just jump back on the saddle and start doing more. It's the manly thing to do. But what if the remedy isn't in doing more, but in doing less? Here are five practical things we can stop doing to get unstuck.

1. Stop going at it alone. It's natural to have an "I got this" attitude. We can experience a tremendous sense of accomplishment when we tackle something on our own. But it's all too common for us to not want to ask for help because we'd rather crash and burn then show a weakness. If you take on the practice of humility you'll find more success in every area of your life. Find people that will encourage you and share the load.

2. Stop working more and playing less. Working more leaves less room for things that matter most. Maya Angelou once wrote, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Your accomplishments will never outlast the memories you give to those around you. What will you be remembered for? Someone that worked hard or someone that loved well? Take time to play with your children.

3. Stop making more plans. Ask any dad if his life goal was to be a diaper genie and the answer will be no. Our plans don't always turn out to be what we wanted them to be. But when we are so consumed on making plans we lose what is present. When the present is left abandoned marriages crumble, children rebel, and life blows up. Spend your moments devoted to today and you'll see life breathed back into your dreams. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34

4. Stop fixing what's broken. We're wired to fix things. Many of us make a living doing so. But when it comes to fixing your children or your wife it's not your job. Just be with them. Enjoy them. They are God's most precious commodities and you have been given the privilege to inherit them. The fact is, we're all a little bit broken and if our focus stays on what's flawed we miss the beauty of what isn't.

5. Stop fearing failure. Fear can give you crazy thoughts and paralyze your actions. We may not call it fear because we're called to be superheros. But even Superman had kryptonite. There will always be someone or something trying to trip you up. Over-thinking every decision to avoid the potential of discomfort only hinders a life lived well. We end up building walls around us thinking we are protecting the village when, in fact, we're imprisoning ourselves. Go and be free to fail forward.


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