The Dinner Table

As a boy growing up in Michigan, I remember dinner time being one of my favorite moments of the day. Our whole family would gather around the dinner table to share stories and what we had experienced; good and bad. It was a sacred place. It become for me a sanctuary and comfort from the chaos that begged for our attention throughout the day. Each of us had a role to play and a purpose to be there. As I got older dinner time changed. We started to eat in different places around the house. Dad would work late and sometimes not make it to the dinner table at all. Eventually our stories merely amounted to fragmented conversations and our dinner table became a decorative piece standing lonely in our kitchen. 

These days I often wonder if things would have been different for our family if that table had remained a place we gathered to pause. By the age of sixteen, my father had left the family and my mother was working a minimum of two jobs at a time just to keep up with the mortgage and to simply survive. Our new normal was far from desirable and our home never regained its feel of refuge. 

It doesn't take much to pull a family apart. Each of us have stuff pleading for our time and stirring our dreams. The competition for our hearts will always have something persuading it and asking for its surrender. The reality is everyday we sacrifice something to capitalize on something else. When we choose to rush, we sacrifice breathing space. If we take on overwhelming debt, we lose generous freedom. The ramifications of our rhythms leave an impact on our legacy. More often than not we do this unintentionally and not realizing the wake that is being created.

Most of us never start out saying we want to jack up our family and mess up our children. I've yet to meet someone that said, "I've waited my whole life to have a family just to blow it because that's awesome!" Yet it's happening and subtle choices are causing families to slowly fade apart. 

Our dinner table was nothing fancy. It was made with faux wood and covered with marker stains from childhood art projects. Even though it wasn't the most attractive piece of furniture, it stood for something noteworthy. It pulled us together and nurtured our family's soul.   

I'm a parent now and we have a dinner table. Our family is psyched to close the day around the table sharing stories. It's usually a beautiful mess. There are times when I get hit with a meatball or hear a Frozen song that can be unsettling, but I still want to come to the table because it offers something truly worthy of sacrificing for.  

"Fight for your family, for there is always an over-promising and under-delivering world fighting to take you from it." - TDB

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When Doing Right Means Being Different

Being a dad is not a cookie cutter role. We've all had unique experiences that bring us to where we are today. Sometimes doing the right thing can seem foolish to others. But when it comes to being a dad that intentionally makes a difference, you have to be different.

While everyone around you is running towards their personal end-zone trying to achieve what they may define success, we need to continually ask ourselves, "should we take a knee?"

Some days ago a middle school football team from Olivet, Michigan decided to be different. They had planned it for weeks. They decided that during one of their games they would do something that others would not be happy about. In the middle of this game shown in the video, Sheridan Hendrick, a player on the team brakes loose for a long run and could have easily scored. Instead, he decided to stop and take a knee at the 1 yard line.

Why?

To give Keith Orr, a special needs child, the chance to score a touchdown.



Maybe today you find yourself running towards the end-zone and you're so close to achieving your goals, but you find that you're leaving your family and children behind. Maybe long work hours and distance are putting a wedge in your relationships. Stop running... and take a knee!

Others might not understand or even curse you from the bleachers. It's ok. Your family needs that type of humility. They need someone that doesn't need the glory, but longs to give it away. And let's be gut level honest, a man that's willing to take a knee will always win the game!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

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Are You a Bully?

The term "bullying" has been thrown around quite a bit lately. If you're a sports fan, you've most likely heard about the Miami Dolphins lineman Jonathan Martin, and guard, Richie Incognito. 

If you're not up to speed about the latest news, allegedly, Incognito sent the second-year rookie a string of "intimidating" and racially-charged text messages and other communications, according to Fox Sports. Sources claim the incident involved monetary coercion and other bullying acts.

I'll have to admit, when I first heard this story it didn't seem to be worthy of all the attention. As a former athlete I would have considered this type of trash talk and hazing common, and in some cases encouraged in the world of sports. Add to that bullying seemed a strong word for two guys big enough to hold their own. But as I thought more about this I asked the question, "Why would this ever be acceptable?" And if professional athletes and grown adults aren't immune to it, who is?  

The truth is bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying. Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. It comes in all kinds of forms; verbal, social, physical. 

As a dad, this is what hits me hardest...

According to Child Trends:

"Children who have less-involved parents are more likely to bully others, as are those who have siblings or parents who model or endorse aggressive behavior. Parenting styles linked to social bullying include those lacking nurturing or that rely on psychological control of children; children with parents who manipulate relationships to assert power or gain attention are also more likely to engage in social bullying.” 

Wow. Can we just agree right now that we will never be our child's bully? We can so easily point the finger and judge others wondering why kids grow up to be 6'3", 315 lb bullies; but it starts with us!!! 

As fathers we cannot afford to be disengaged. As fathers we cannot afford to miss out on the opportunities to nurture and shape the character of our children. Don't just stand by cowardly leaving that responsibility to mom. If you're justifying your less than involved lifestyle due to work; find a new job. If you're bailing out on your responsibilities at home because of a weekend out with the guys; get new friends! Our sons and daughters are looking to us for love and guidance and if we don't stand up and provide those needs, something or someone else will. 

Bullying isn't prejudge. It doesn't just live in locker rooms or at school bus stops. It doesn't rely solely on social media or racial tension. It starts at the home and in our hearts! Protect those things at all cost! Don't be your child's bully...

If you’re wondering whether your child is a victim of bullying from someone or know that your child is a victim and need some guidance in how to help your child, check out these great resources that provide definitions of and data on bullying, as well as, advice on how to deal with bullies.    

1. KidsHealth
2. Violence Prevention Works  
3. Bullying Statistics  

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."
 - Psalms 127:3-5

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